Dear New Mama,

Welcome to this beautiful, yet sometimes overwhelming, chapter of your life. As a therapist specializing in women’s mental health, I often share with new parents that becoming a mother can unexpectedly bring our own past experiences to the surface.

The early years of motherhood are deeply demanding on your mind, body, and spirit. If you are finding things a bit harder than you anticipated, please know you are not alone, and it may gently be pointing toward unresolved trauma that is ready to be healed.

For those who didn’t experience a secure attachment or faced difficult relationships in childhood, welcoming a baby can feel triggering. Motherhood beautifully asks us to give our children the very things we may have missed out on. While this deep love is incredibly fulfilling, it can also highlight the areas where our own inner child still needs care.

Postpartum anxiety can sometimes look like an intense fear for your baby’s safety, making it hard to step away or relax. This is often just a natural, magnified protective response stemming from past times when you didn’t feel safe. Similarly, postpartum depression can feel like deep sadness or detachment, which is sometimes a gentle grief response to what you deserved but didn’t receive in your own childhood.

Even postpartum rage can be a sign that your nervous system is working overtime. When we experience past stress, our bodies remember, even if our minds don’t. When triggered, that dysregulation can show up as anger (fight), anxiety (flight), depression (freeze), or people-pleasing (fawn).

Here are a few practical tips for managing a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response in the moment:

• Fight (can look like rage):
  • Using cold temperatures helps decrease blood pressure and heart rate while serving as a distraction from the trigger. You can try holding ice cubes and focusing on them melting, taking a cold shower, standing in front of the freezer, or drinking ice water. A therapy goal for this response would include identifying your triggers, creating a plan to address them, and learning additional tools to regulate intense emotional and physical reactions.
• Flight(can look like anxiety, fear, or catastrophizing):
  • Diaphragmatic breathing helps calm the heart rate. Try inhaling through your nose for 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds, and exhaling through your mouth for 8 seconds to slow your heart rate and calm the nervous system. Any form of mindfulness can be helpful, including grounding techniques, progressive muscle relaxation, or brief yoga stretching. If you struggle with anxiety, it is best to incorporate at least 5 minutes of mindfulness into your daily routine. A therapy goal would include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for cognitive restructuring and learning additional tools to manage anxiety.
• Freeze (can look like depression):
  • Incorporate any movement you can to help you get out of a stuck or depressed moment. This could be as simple as pushing your hands against a wall to feel resistance, walking around your kitchen island, dancing, or humming. A therapy goal would include identifying the root of the depression and incorporating brain-healthy ways to improve your mood.
• Fawn (can look like people-pleasing or loose boundaries):
  • Practice boundary setting, asking for help, and authentically stating your needs to a loved one. A therapy goal may include learning about different types of boundaries, identifying your needs, and developing assertive communication skills.

In addition to the tips above, trauma therapy, such as Accelerated Resolution Therapy, can be an effective tool to dissolve underlying trauma and reset the nervous system. Establishing brain-healthy habits and optimal hormonal health will also help decrease cortisol and improve emotional regulation and resilience.

A gentle reminder

Please remember to be gentle with yourself. Healing is a holistic journey, and your hormonal and mental health are beautifully interconnected. Nurturing both your body and your emotional well-being is the key to thriving in this postpartum season.

Next steps

At Women Empowerment Counseling, LLC, we are so passionate about walking alongside women through trauma recovery and motherhood. We take a warm, holistic approach that integrates both hormonal and brain health into our care, and we would be absolutely honored to guide you on your healing journey.

If this blog resonates with you, we warmly invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with one of our compassionate counselors today. We are here for you whenever you are ready.  

Getting Well Together!