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    Boost Your Self-Confidence & Sensuality with Mindfulness!

    If you can relate to any of the following, then this blog is for you!  Are you a woman who–

    • Had a child?
    • Gained or lost too much weight?
    • Experienced abuse or sexual trauma of any kind?
    • Feel less than or lack confidence in your sexuality?
    • Struggle with hormonal imbalances?
    • Have conflict with your partner leading to a lack of desire?

    If you’re ready to change your negative internal dialogue, or crave to feel good and bring back that burning sensual desire, or you’ve never experienced a burning desire and want to get it…..then keep reading to learn effective mindfulness techniques that have helped many women regain their sensual desires!

    Sometimes we can get stuck in our head and allow our thoughts to take over.  Those thoughts can be our worst enemy, leading to anxious feelings and thus changing our [sexual] behaviors. Our thoughts are very powerful and impact how we perceive situations, people, and ourselves. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) teaches that in order to change our behaviors, we must start with reframing our thoughts.

    My many years of experience working with women have shown me the internal battles women have with their sexuality; most commonly wanting to feel good and sexy.  Many women struggle with feeling “sexy” and/or confident, yet truly want to change these negative feelings and become more confident. If you lack confidence in yourself, it can also impact your intimate relationship(s).

    If you’ve had a child, then you know all too well that it alters your body! You may no longer feel attractive or connected to yourself, and this can lead to lack of desire in the bedroom.  Despite you wanting to feel good again and connect with your partner(s), you’re not sure how to get there.

    Abuse can also lead to feelings of shame and guilt, which can impact your ability to feel pleasure. If you’re experienced abuse or sexual trauma, then you can have difficulty connecting to your body [dissociation] or may be triggered by certain physical touch or sensation. 

    Weight gain, [and yes, even weight loss], can hinder a woman’s positive outlook on herself.  Many things can impact weight gain / loss including lifestyle factors such as diet and exercise, medical factors such as thyroid or hormonal imbalances, and even side effects to medications.  Regardless of the reason, this has a major impact on the woman’s self-image.

    You may ask, how can mindfulness help me gain those feelings of sensuality and self-confidence? Mindfulness helps provide us with focusing on the here and now, it helps us become more in touch with our authentic selves and take time to slow down and not rush. When we are mindful, we tend to become more aware of what is going on around us, who we are with, what we are putting into our bodies, how we treat others and even ourselves. In a world that tends to focus much on being busy and multi-tasking, it can be easy to get lost in all the chaos and leave little time for us to stop and slow down and focus on balancing ourselves. Being mindful means understanding what your true intentions are and learning how to lead a life that supports those intentions.

    If you are mindful of who you are and can learn to become comfortable with your thoughts and feelings, this will naturally set the stage for gaining higher confidence and help with exploration in many other areas of your life, such as enchanting your sensuality.

    Here are some tips that can help aid in building your self-confidence and self-positive sensuality:

    • Create a playlist of at least 5 songs you find bring positive feelings to you; once you have done this: find a room you can be alone in for at least 30 minutes, then begin playing your playlist (I encourage you to title this playlist to something that resonates what this playlist represents to you), then begin slowly moving your lower body, swaying at your hips and opening your arms like a bird in flight and moving the music, but being mindful of movements you are making and being envisioning a red ball of light that is hovering around your pelvis area, close your eyes and as you move, visualize this light expanding with each inhale of breath you take….do this for every song. When playlist has been completed, journal how you feel and notice the sensations you feel along with your thoughts. This is a very mindful and empowering tool to apply to help get you feeling good and sensual.
    • Self-Affirmations are very beneficial to improving self-confidence. The key to this is creating self-affirmations that you create for yourself and relate to what you want to manifest for yourself. When you create your affirmation, make sure you state it as if it already is in existence, for example you can say something like, “I am a smart, sexy and strong woman who knows what she wants.” Remember, mindfulness is about being present with yourself, so speaking to yourself as if this is already true, helps you believe it more and more as you repeat it to yourself, I encourage you to do this looking at yourself in the mirror, doing this at least twice a day.
    • Take a warm bath, while creating a comforting ambience while in your bath, I would recommend lighting some candles and play instrumental music and while sitting in bath, notice how your body feels, what sensations you are having, taking deep breaths and holding for 5 seconds then releasing through your mouth letting go of all negative. I encourage your bath be at least 20 minutes, and magnesium has been known to help with muscles aches and relaxing as well as Epsom salt (make sure you are not allergic to either before doing this).
    • In the morning, write at least 3 things you are grateful for that day, this helps reflect on current feelings and reframing any negative thoughts you may be feeling.

    There are many tools to help in this area, including our Guided Meditations, which can focus specifically on your sensuality. 

    Even though these are some tips to help guide you, it is highly recommended you also seek talk-therapy as well, especially if you are battling depression, adjusting to new mom life, or have a trauma or abuse history. Many times there are deeper core reasons we are feeling this way and receiving therapy while applying these tools can only enhance your journey of increasing your confidence and bringing back that desire you want for yourself.

    At WEC, we specialize in women’s issues, trauma therapy, and holistic health. We can help you explore, identify, and resolve the root causes that may be hindering your sexuality and intimate connection with your partner(s) or self. Whenever you’re ready, you can conveniently view real-time counselor availability and schedule an appointment online.  

    May you find something in this that is helpful for you on your journey!

    With love and light!


    Written by: Kristy Little, MS, LMHC

    Edited by: Nicole Delli Paoli, MA, LMHC, MCAP, QS